Do you ever feel like you are trying to stack rocks in your life and they keep toppling over? You keep trying to decide which ones need to go on the bottom to set a good foundation and then find the perfect way to place the others, only to have them come crashing down. Then you stare at the mess of rocks at your feet and mentally rework the order with a glass of wine in your hand? Well…welcome. You are in good company.
I have always thought of myself as a multi-tasking do everything and do it well (or as well as you can) kind of girl. But as life adds more rocks, I am finding it harder to balance them all.
All of the Rocks
I am a single mom who is currently responsible for all school management, transportation to sports, and working two jobs while looking for a third. Add that to the laundry rocks and housecleaning rocks and cooking rocks, not to mention the mental health rocks and physical fitness rocks and “me time” rocks, and I am constantly staring at toppled stones at my feet (with a glass of wine in my hand).
Of all the things I try to manage the most, it’s the emotions, the effort, the challenge of balancing all the rocks. I want it to look effortless. I want it to be perfect. And when it is not and the rocks inevitably fall, I feel like I have failed…again.
Why do we do that? Whose standards are we living up to? And WHY DO WE CARE! And here is the BIG thing…what are we teaching our kids?
When I try to balance everything perfectly…am I teaching my son he must balance perfectly too?
When I fail and try to hide my frustration, or pretend nothing is wrong…am I teaching my son not to be authentic? Not to acknowledge his failures? To hide his emotions? Am I teaching him that failure is not an option?
When the fallen rocks make me tighten my grip on control, when I work harder and clean more and leave no room for imperfection…what am I teaching my son is REALLY important in life? What does he see me placing value in?
So how do we do this? How do we balance everything perfectly AND set good examples for our kids? Short answer.
We don’t.
The Rocks Will Fall
It is impossible to balance all of the things all of the time. We can’t do it, and we cannot expect our kids to either. There will be days when all the rocks are stacked just right and the balance is perfectly achieved. But you will wake up one day and one of the rocks will have magically doubled in size and through the whole thing off. Or you will wake up to three NEW rocks you must add to the pile. What if, heaven forbid, we have too many rocks??
The rocks are going to fall. What if it is ok that they fall? What if it is ok for our kids to see them fall? What if we let our kids see us struggle and fail and try again. What if we let them see us feel and deal with our emotions and be REAL and authentic. What if we let our kids see us ignore the laundry and the cleaning for a day to spend at the park or just playing with them. What if they saw us take a break and do NOTHING because our bodies and minds need it?
Would it give them permission to struggle…and fail…and try again? Would it give them permission to be real and authentic with what and how they feel? Would it help them see what should be TRULY valued in life? Would it teach them to rest and take care of themselves?
I hope so.
Perfect balance will never be achieved. But we can try…and we will fail…and we will try again. We can be intentional about the rocks we stack, and the value we place in those rocks.
And we will drink wine.
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