Ever heard the term “Social Butterfly?” I am sure you have. It is usually used to describe someone who is very outgoing and loves to be in social settings and meet new people. These people are usually labeled as “flirty”, or “outgoing”, “attention seeking” (or obnoxious?). The Social Butterfly is often times very fun…albeit very exhausting…to be around. They are always looking for things to do and people to do them with. If they cannot find people to do things with, they find new people while they are doing the things. They are loud, they have an obvious presence…and I used to be one.
When did that end? I have lived so much of my life in a co-dependent haze that I cannot say for certain if my butterfly was ever really real. Was my butterfly a mask? Was it a desperate plea to be accepted and desired. To be “the fun one”? When did my butterfly die?
A New Season
I won’t lie, as my life has changed, especially over the last year or so, I have become MUCH less social. And a lot of it has to do with the season of life I am in, and the worry of what others may think of me. I have shied away from events and declined get togethers. I was beginning to worry. I saw a flash of my future as the bitter old recluse who yells at children that walk to close to her roses. Was I allowing the fear of others to dictate my social life? Was I allowing others to steal my joy or my light or whatever empowering metaphor you want to insert? Maybe my butterfly wasn’t dead yet. Maybe I was killing it now!
But here is the thing…BUTTERFLIES ARE NOT SOCIAL!
That’s right…butterflies are NOT social creatures. In fact it is VERY rare that butterflies socialize with each other. And it made me realize that I (and let’s be honest here folks…we all do it) was yet again allowing someone or something, in this case a term, to define who I was and if I was “normal”. And in the shower one day, where all important deep thought occurs, I stopped to reevaluate.
Alive and Well
My butterfly is alive and well ( and I am aware that my “butterfly” is sounding more and more like a sexual reference, but stay with me). Life changes, we change, much like the caterpillar changes into the butterfly. I am at a point in my life where sure, my social calendar is not full to the brim…but I am learning the value of quiet and calm. My social circle is not nearly as large as it used to be…but I am learning the value of having close, deep, trusted friendships. My social presence may not be as big or loud…but I am learning the value of quiet conversation and authenticity. It is not about whether or not I am allowing someone to “steal my joy”, but being very intentional about where I place my joy. Who I share my light with.
And here is the kicker folks. We have little butterflies watching us. And if we are not careful, we will raise butterflies who do not know how to be still, or quiet. Who do not know how to be comfortable with WHO THEY ARE, and not what others expect them to be. They will not know how to value the WHO over the HOW MANY. My little butterfly may be bored in the afternoon…but he is learning the value of creativity, imagination, and to be comfortable with quiet. For crying out loud, Jesus himself told us to BE STILL.
For the first time, probably ever, I can say that I know who I am. I am a strong, independent woman and mother. I am a child of the Most High. I am growing and learning and changing every day. And my butterfly is NOT dead.
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